It's Monday again!
I'm coming to ya'll with something a bit different today. And once again, it's going to be led with a personal testimony because the majority of the time, that's where my epiphanies come from.
I don't really think I understood the way how your mind can really affect the way I see things. Like physically, actually seeing things.
The biggest way this has shown up in my life is with my weight loss journey. I've noticed that with my ups and downs, and depressive episodes, I tend....to be a lot harsher on myself. And definitely a lot harsher about my appearance.
In a negative bout, I can look at myself and all I can see are things like how 'fat' my face is. How big my head is, how small and squinty my eyes get when I smile, how unruly my hair is, how big my nose is....I can honestly go on forever. And for those of you who know me, you're probably like.... Abby, WTF.
But in a positive mood, my head is naturally held higher. And for some reason my braids that fall past my shoulders heavily accentuate my SEXY jawline. How slender my neck looks, how my eyelashes compliment my eyes, how the outfit I'm wearing looks BOMB on me, stomach poking out and all.
It's really astounding and concerning for me because I can recall times where I've felt completely different about the exact same features, and it boils down to the one question: 'What else is my brain lying to me about?'
All in all, I think it's super important to be extremely mindful about the mindset you're in before you listen to the voices in your head. Never take the things you tell yourself seriously, that's your bad brain literally just throwing a tantrum about things that don't even exist. And just remember that it will pass, and all long as you do what you need to in order to get back into your right mind, those voices will never be right, and they will never win.
Happy Monday, Loves!
I think I've been doing a pretty good job of keeping a point of positivity and inspiration on this blog. But I always have wanted to make a point of talking about the negative situations because I know that there are more people out there that can relate to the bad times than we care to actually talk about.
So here goes.
Recently I've hit some kind of weird low. A low that really had me questioning who I was and why exactly I was on this earth. Surrounding these questions came a circle of negativity that affected EVERY aspect of my life. Things we're going well in the job sector, bills were pilling up, etc, etc. And the more bad things happened, both big and small, the more I spiraled into a pit of anxiety and depression.
It was worse this time than any other because I thought I was past this. Dealing with heavy depressed episodes, anxiety attacks, negative crowding thoughts. But it's funny because they really never go away. Unfortunately, when you grow and evolve, your mental illness grow and evolve with you.
It was a bad cycle for a day or two because I saw how I was acting and sabotaging my opportunities, my friendships, and just mucking up the atmospheric energy of the people around me... but I couldn't do anything to stop it.
BUT THANK GOD FOR GOOD HABITS.
Turns out, I DO know how to handle my mental illnesses. And even though they show themselves as I go through stages in my life, the same good habits and tactics are what is needed to fight them and beat them. Every. Single. Time.
I started making myself play videos games every time I felt stressed and anxious. And then, sometimes I felt better. Then I found that I had the mental capacity to start caring and supporting others. And it made me feel good. And then suddenly I had the courage to do Youtube again (youtube.com/user/abalicious53779 , shameless plug.) And that led to me being (re-)passionate about why I started in in the first place.
All of that to say, it starts with a good habit. Good habits are harder to implement, but I think that's because of the impact they have when they actually become a successful habit. And then suddenly you're a renewed version of yourself that's like "what depressive episode?"
The whole point of that story was to emphasize the importance of good habits. Identify the things that make you feel like the best 'you,' and make it a habit to do those things. So much so that you don't have to fight yourself to do them when you get down. Because we all get a little lost sometimes. You just gotta keep fighting.
Hey guys! It's been a second since I've updated this series. I'd been really sick and also working on other projects, one of them being an e-course! 'Becoming Your Ideal Self' is a course that has all the foundations blocks needed for a person to start on the path to becoming a more self-aware and self-sustaining person. It also has many tips, freebies and tasks that are designed to help people recognize and eliminate negativity, as well as help you outline your goals and figure the best steps to achieve them. And its only $25 for life access! If you're interested in being the best you can be, then enroll and go forth and achieve your dreams!
The next friend that you should be aware of in your journey to success is the Toxic Unsupportive type.
This type isn't very hard to spot because of how directly negative this person tends to be.
This person is the type to be negative about everything that comes from you. From your ideas and dreams to the day to day choices you make.
I've found that most of the people that discourage you from your dreams do it because they don't understand you or why you have created the goals that now exist for yourself. Try having a serious discussion with them about what it is you want and why you want it. An intervention can be helpful for getting to the bottom of problems, expressing how you or the other person might feel, and show that you are in fact very serious about the path you are choosing to travel.
Another reason for the Toxic Unsupporter could be that they don't want you to succeed because of jealously and/or lack of faith. And the more they impress that negativity into your space, the more you begin to feel and believe that the things they are saying are true.
That is not the case.
No matter what a family or friend dresses their negativity in, whether it is them being 'realistic' or that they 'only what whats best for you.' If that were true, then they would support any moves and endeavors you take on to become a better and successful person.
And the reality is? YOU can do anything you set your mind to. Never forget that, because success is not a theory.
Hi guys! Welcome to today's Motivation Monday post.
I spent most of last week getting over the flu (hence the lack of blog posts.) I'm now well enough to get back to doing the things I love!
Today I'm gonna kinda talk about the fear of success. I think it's something that many of us face, maybe more than we actually realize.
Today, my friend Rikki and I launched an e-course catered to those who want to create healthy habits and better their lives.
Shameless promo, if you want to check it out, follow this link to enroll! It's only $25 for lifetime access of tons of tips and information, printables, fun and informative videos, and gifs. Tons of gifs.
The course is awesome, and when when came up with the idea for it, we worked on it full throttle. So much so that we worked really hard and didn't rest enough and... we got sick.
Despite being forced to slow down, we still had plenty of time to get the course out by the deadline we set for ourselves.
But as time went on, the important and finishing touches that were needed to perfect the course (to our standards.) But as time went on...we found it harder and harder to do what was done. Even though we were sick, that wasn't the real reason for the drop in motivation. Even though I'm not 100% sure in Rikki's case, I know that my procrastination stemmed from the rawness of the reality of my failures. The closer the deadline approached, the mightier and more likely the fears seemed to be. And suddenly, I was nervous, unsure, and questioning everything I'd written, experienced and researched for the e-course.
Now even though it makes no logical sense, the mind can play very powerful tricks on an uncertain person. Luckily Rikki and I had the discipline and faith that outranked our fears and enabled us to finish what we started. However, I'm not sure if we would've been able to finish without being aware of our fears, and getting through them.
The next time you feel yourself being stuck with a big upcoming deadline, take a step back and evaluate why you feel that way. It might be the way to get over the temporary paralysis.
Good Morning! I recently made the decision to change my posting days to Monday and Thursday because I wanted to start doing Motivational Monday posts. Because everyone needs a little motivation every now and then.
Today I’m going to talk about why self-discovery is so important.
For those of you that have no idea of what I’m talking about, self-discovery is defined as “the process of acquiring insight into ones own character.
Basically, it’s a discovery on why you do the things you do.
Self-discovery isn’t an easy thing. One has to be open-minded, objective, and self-aware to a degree. Being open-minded and objective is really important because a lot of what you learn about yourself may come from an outside source. Being able to access those two qualities helps us be open to receiving this information from others, especially if the information accurate, but not very positive.
Self-awareness is also very important because it allows you to be aware of behaviors that you tend to default to in certain situations. It can also be proof of certain behaviors that are brought to your attention from an outside source.
For example, I was talking to one of my best friend Rikki about something (that's not really important) and she made a comment about me making vigorous physical gestures when I get passionate or worked up about something. At first I was like "...What're you talking about, I don't do that." And the more she described it, the more I realized the familiar feeling, the more I was able to put myself into the many different times I 'spoke' with my body language. It was something that I could easily believe because:
1) She's one of my best friends and I can usually believe her when she tells me something about myself.
2 I know that I am an animated person, so her words weren't hard for me to believe because I was aware of past situations.
All in all, the more you find out about yourself, the more you will be able to conquer your bad habits and hone and grow the positive ones. Its the first step on a road to freedom, positivity, and growth. And the more habitual your personal realizations become, the easier it will be to accept them and change, if that's what you desire.
But don't let YOU be the reason you can't achieve greatness.
Hey guys! It's been a second. I got really busy with some really exciting stuff. But I'm back with part 3 of Five Friends You Shouldn't Have!
Today I am going to refer to the Time Waster.
So this is the person that literally wastes time.
Instead of using free time and resources to reach any life goals. career goals, or anything else they might have.
That by itself is irritating to me personally. How do you claim to be ambitious and just spend your free time sitting at home watching t.v., playing games, scrolling social media and gossiping all day?
Like really, how?
I used to have friends like this, but we all fell off easily because of how busy I'd become during all times of the year. They'd hit me up to watch shows together, play games together, and when I couldn't do that because of my priorities, I wouldn't hear from that person again until I had free time.
These kind of people are not the most dangerous to have around. Of course it's important to have balance in your life.
But when the main distractions in your life come one person, consider limiting the time you spend with that person. It will benefit you as you continue to give the appropriate attention to yourself and your goals.
Hey loves! Welcome to part two of the Five Friends You Shouldn't Have Part 2. I am here to throw more shade, lol.
Today I'm gonna talk about the Negative Nancy.
I believe that this is the most toxic friend types of them all because this isn't one that can be identified easily.
This friend type is carries the kind of negativity that wouldn't be noticed until months or years later down the line of friendship.
This is the person that always points out the negative side of situations. It can show itself in many different ways from simply replying negatively to a situation, to good news, or basically anything you might bring to them. If you have found yourself withdrawing from a certain friend because of their negative responses to your personal life. It can become an overwhelming drag, but it won't stop there. It can even be simple comments and 'opinions.' Excepts, if their opinions are always laced with something negative, then that just means that person is bitter.
(SN: This person can easily be combined with the Complainer personality. It's their nature to have negative comments towards everything and everyone off bat.)
I have a couple of friends that are like this. As a matter of fact, one of them is one of my best friends. I don't really bring anything personal to her anymore because I tend to either feel hurt, pissed or both after talking to her about whatever the subject is. And yes, there are times where I will need someone to piss me off or hurt my feelings for me to snap back to reality, but in her case, it was never needed in that way.
I love her to death, but whenever it comes to the choices I make or any situation I may have, she's not the person to go to. And I've accepted that and moved on, because she doesn't HAVE to be that person. Just as much as I shouldn't have to be the one questioning who I am based off the negative comments of someone who claims they love me.
And I believe that's the best way to deal with those people; to either:
1)be careful with what information you bring to them. Don't give them the opportunity to 'negative-talk' you out of who you are, your life choices, etc.
2) Remove them from your life, period. And I only advise this option if the person is extreme with their toxicity. Not only to you, but to people around you. Keep an eye out for that as well.
And last but not least, if you do decide to stay friends with these kind, do NOT be afraid to pull back and get in touch with yourself for a while. Just like it's easy to get caught up with the positive community around you, it's even easier to give into the negative.
Remember, you come first.
Hi guys! Welcome to the first post of the Five Friends You Shouldn't Have Series.
So this series isn't for folks who get offended easily, and if you're not self aware at all then you probably don't need to read this series.
HOWEVER, if you are aiming for success and positive self growth, then you've come to the right place. These posts are for people who are attempting to be the best versions of themselves, and that includes surrounding yourself with the best environment to do so in.
SN: These different friend types can and most likely will show their faces in one friend. I myself have a few friends that are a combination of two, three or all five types that are in this series. But for the sake of breaking each type down, I'm gonna give examples as if they're all different people.
The Complainer is a person that does just that-- complain. Whether it be smaller situations or big ones, you're usually the person they come to whenever then are stressed over something.
Which is a good thing on your part, because that's just you being a caring friend. But it can be pretty exhausting when the Complainer doesn't take your advice or doesn't have the motivation to fix their own problems.
Usually, that comes from lack of problem-solving skills on their part, or like I said, just lack of motivation, or both.
For example, my friend Adam is a worry wart and is ALWAYS stressed out-- to the point where I rarely ask him what the matter is when he shows signs of being stressed. Because then, it'll lead to him complaining about a huge paper he has to write that he's procrastinated on. And that's the thing-- these situations are usually problems they've caused based on mismanagement of their own life.
I literally tried to type that last sentence as nicely as possible but it still didn't come out that way, lol. But it's the harsh reality.
And that is also not your concern.
That sounded harsh too, huh?
Whilst working on yourself, you rarely have time to worry about others and their problems. It's the harsh reality, and one I still struggle with. I care way too much about my friends and do so much for them to the point where my mom would lecture me about it. But in the end I realized it was a combination of me caring for others, but also the lack of care for myself. And so I had to teach myself to be selfish with my time, energy, money and even my mental state.
All that to say that the only way to self-preserve in a world of toxic people is to be selfish. People that don't understand that will dress it up with negative words, but all of that won't matter when you are achieving your goals and being that person you were meant to be.
So really and truly, the next time you come across your Complainer friend, you can do one of several things:
1) listen to their problems and allow them to blow off steam
2) don't ask them about their problems at all
And lastly, don't be afraid to go MIA from these people if you need to. You can't put yourself in the position where all you hear in your head are the echoes of their problems. Then you get so wrapped up in their's that you don't have time for your own, which is not acceptable.
Remember, YOU always come first.
2018 is the year of growth and opportunity, and one of the most important ways to stay at the top of your game is by the community you choose to surround yourself with. Old friends, new ones, it becomes harder to keep up with relationships once you start focusing on yourself. So how do you pick and choose which ones you spend your energy on?
Well, here's a list of people who you definitely shouldn't spend your time and energy on, because that can affect your spirit and limit your growth without you realizing it.
The Negative Nancy
The Time Waster
The Toxic Un-supportive
Instead of making this one loooong behind blog post, I'm going to split them up and create a series, and once a week I'll post how you can identify them, why you should be friends with them, and how they can subconsciously affect you.
In the meantime, make sure to follow me on Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram or all three:
aand unfortunately, that's the one thing I'm not good at doing. For example, i'm currently waiting on not one, but TWO jobs that I really want. And honestly, I'd be fine if I don't get either one of them. I just need a yes or a no.
I'm just.. not good at waiting, I'm not good at doing nothing. I can't sit and wait for people to react when it involves my well being. I guess it just comes back to me wanting to be in control of situations.
And mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn it SUCKS.
At this point, the old me would've already sabotaged my pending chances with both companies. Probably by getting another job that would hire me quicker.
THANKFULLY, I've had so many awesome influences in my life that eases Annie's loud voice. One of them being my wonderful perfect mother. She's super supportive and has always been the voice of reason for me. I've never been able to make a life decision without her guidance. She's the best.
So yea, a STRONG Happy Mother's Day to the best mommy ever, and hopefully one of these jobs gets back with me within the week before I explode.
I took another break without really meaning too.
Not only from this blog, but from Youtube, from social media.. from self care, from eating right, exercising..
It's like... school ended, and the structure in my life fell apart.
When that happens, I guess I don't feel the need to really do anything. Whether it's eating healthy or even eating at all, to leaving my house to get some sort of exercise, to simpler things like washing my face and taking a shower.
I'm fully aware that these are depression symptoms, though I never imagined my depression to manifest itself in that manner. I am still fully interested in the things and activities I love, and I'm not mentally tired or sad. Despite that, it's seems like when I have no 'main' responsibilities,( school, work, etc. so it's like the discipline for the other surrounding tasks disappear as well, and I essentially become a couch potato.
I never really caught the pattern until now, and even thought I can't really pinpoint the cause or what it even is, I do know that I'm attempting to make some big changes in my life that require disciple to be in the forefront instead of a supporting cast. And now that I have identified the problem, I have nowhere but up to go from here.
She's been with me for as long as I can remember.
But recently, I've found out she's a liar. And a compulsive one at that.
She's around 24/7, and she provides that comfort and "safe reasoning" that shields my feelings and my mental state.
To protect me.
I mean, that's a good best friend right? One who cares for your safety... one who reminds you of the reality of things. I'd never get hurt if I just trusted her. She always brought up good reasoning for why things would happen or wouldn't, and even though sometimes it hurt, it was for the best.
At least that's before I found out what her *actual* agenda was.
Lemme just lay out some examples.
There were many times, after a guy would ask me out online or via text message, she'd tell me that as soon as we met up, he wouldn't be interested. Because of my skin color, my hair, my weight, it was always a different reason at different times. At first I wouldn't really listen, but then I'd end up cancelling every time.
Or maybe sometimes when I'd make new friends. Like this girl I'd recently met, Dee. She's freaking awesome. We clicked on an awesome level. But then my best friend would say things like " Wow, she's gorgeous and popular, there's no way she's actually be a friend of yours. It doesn't make sense. She has like 10,000 Instagram followers, how does that make sense?" She's was never really harsh with it, and her reasoning kinda made sense to me, so I listened.
Other times, I'd hit up the guy I'm digging hard via text message, and when I don't get a reply in a 'reasonable' time span, she'd tell me he's just not interested. At all, and that I'm just annoying him. Sometimes I'd ignore her because, wow, I actually love the guy and sometimes that feeling overrides her rationality. But when she saw that wasn't working, she kept repeating and repeating, and then would maybe bring her other friend around to reiterate her point.
I HATE her other friend.
But with two against one, how could I win? I'd just shut down, or worse, take it out unhealthily on other areas or other people in my life.
And then she makes me feel like a burden. Oh boy, to anyone who actually loves me in my life. And it's like, the more they love me, the more of a burden she's claim I was to them. It's the worst with my family. She's made it hard for me to reach out when I need them the most, disguising it as "them being too busy," or "me being to busy" or even "me needing to be independent."
She's selfish. She wants me all to herself. And if I grow and mature, and try to step out of my comfort zone, she feeds me all these lies that shut me down and brings back up my walls. She's afraid of change; more so, she's afraid that'd I'd leave her behind.
I'm sure at this point, you're pretty curious about who she is... and well, I just usually call her Annie. We've been friends for years, after all.
But her full name is Anxiety.
.Its been a hot second. And I actually have a valid excuse for why, lol.
I've had several goals I've been grinding towards as of late, and a couple of them have become kind of time consuming.
It's vague, I know, but I'm not gonna speak on anything yet.
Moving on to the actual blog post.
I feel like lately, my blog has turned into a ranty, borderline angry, opinionated thing. While I don't have a problem with that, It's not an accurate reflection of who I am. I'm never really this opinionated in my everyday life, as a matter of fact I don't really GAF about much, lmao.
But today, here's something to lift your spirits.
The other day it was #NationalPuppyDay and SO GUESS WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE
YEAP YOU GUESS IT. PUPPERS
SN: All dogs are puppers. Don't argue with me on this.
I hope you guys enjoyed this adorable blog post today, I'll see you guys later this week.
So I've been on a self-rejuvenating, spiritually reconnecting, very cold vacation.
I haven't been able to post because of that, BUT I'M BACK.
And in desperate attempt to get back into the current events world, I'm gonna post about something that is current AF.
Around the U.S. today, hundreds, and maybe thousands of kids walked out of their schools in protest of policy makers on March 14th, 2018.
I'm starting to realize the things I post on my blog are a lot closer to being rants than being "advice."
I mean, Imma still rant tho.
This post is connected to the one I posted this weekend, so if you haven't read it, do that before you read this one.
I mentioned that a friend of mine is in an abusive relationship. And I think the part that pissed me off the most about their situation is the fact that, I understand, recognize and sometimes align with the thought processes of the 'abuser' And yet, the word seems to harsh to define the person that carries out the offenses, but...unfortunately that's what the word defines it as.
But I can't go putting all the blame on their actions and choice of making those decisions...because honestly, thinking clearly while having multiple mental illnesses isn't an easy thing, and can sometimes be impossible for people that aren't or haven't gotten help.
Personally, over the years I've been learning how my mental illnesses affect the people around me. I've learned to pick up on when I'm getting into a mood that may make me isolate myself, or make me lash out, or sometimes both. Sometimes I'd even isolate myself BECAUSE I don't want to lash out because sometimes I can't even tell when I'm gonna blow.
And because of my mental illnesses, I carry some behaviors with me that are destructive. Destructive to myself and my relationships. And I know the more I learn about them and talk about them to the people that are affected- as hard as that may be- in the end its worth it, because my loved ones become a lot more patient and understanding, and in turn that makes me want to work harder and do better by them and myself.
Things are a bit different in a romantic relationship, only in the way that the feelings are a lot more intense than compared to a platonic one. And honestly, that can affect a person with mental illnesses both positively and negatively.
On one hand, that love and patience a significant other provides can help the person with mental illnesses to want to love themselves and their significant other properly. And even though they might lash out or things can get negative sometimes, the person with the illnesses can learn from the situation and learn to not listen to the negative voices and instead, let the love from the significant other guide them instead. That's scenario one. The good scenario.
But the bad scenario is the one where the bad outweighs the good. The mental illnesses causes the person to lash out, and even when the significant other tries to be loving and patient, the mental illnesses are way too loud for the actions of the partner to reach through. And from there, the situation only gets worse because at this point, the person with the illnesses has no desire to heal or learn from the pain they're causing their loved one. The loved one eventually will get tired, worn out and even damaged from the lashing out. Then as the situation gets worse, the lashing out becomes more frequent and maybe even physical, and the line between the excuse of the 'mental illness' and abuse becomes blurred.
It's a tough situation. And honestly, I'm a firm believer that if you truly love someone, you wouldn't want to hurt them, even with actions that you can't help. But I also how mental illnesses can manipulate thoughts and beliefs and make them feel like the most legitimate things in the world. But you have to be able to recognize when a line is crossed. Stop making excuses.
Just get help.