I'm starting to realize the things I post on my blog are a lot closer to being rants than being "advice."
I mean, Imma still rant tho.
This post is connected to the one I posted this weekend, so if you haven't read it, do that before you read this one.
I mentioned that a friend of mine is in an abusive relationship. And I think the part that pissed me off the most about their situation is the fact that, I understand, recognize and sometimes align with the thought processes of the 'abuser' And yet, the word seems to harsh to define the person that carries out the offenses, but...unfortunately that's what the word defines it as.
But I can't go putting all the blame on their actions and choice of making those decisions...because honestly, thinking clearly while having multiple mental illnesses isn't an easy thing, and can sometimes be impossible for people that aren't or haven't gotten help.
Personally, over the years I've been learning how my mental illnesses affect the people around me. I've learned to pick up on when I'm getting into a mood that may make me isolate myself, or make me lash out, or sometimes both. Sometimes I'd even isolate myself BECAUSE I don't want to lash out because sometimes I can't even tell when I'm gonna blow.
And because of my mental illnesses, I carry some behaviors with me that are destructive. Destructive to myself and my relationships. And I know the more I learn about them and talk about them to the people that are affected- as hard as that may be- in the end its worth it, because my loved ones become a lot more patient and understanding, and in turn that makes me want to work harder and do better by them and myself.
Things are a bit different in a romantic relationship, only in the way that the feelings are a lot more intense than compared to a platonic one. And honestly, that can affect a person with mental illnesses both positively and negatively.
On one hand, that love and patience a significant other provides can help the person with mental illnesses to want to love themselves and their significant other properly. And even though they might lash out or things can get negative sometimes, the person with the illnesses can learn from the situation and learn to not listen to the negative voices and instead, let the love from the significant other guide them instead. That's scenario one. The good scenario.
But the bad scenario is the one where the bad outweighs the good. The mental illnesses causes the person to lash out, and even when the significant other tries to be loving and patient, the mental illnesses are way too loud for the actions of the partner to reach through. And from there, the situation only gets worse because at this point, the person with the illnesses has no desire to heal or learn from the pain they're causing their loved one. The loved one eventually will get tired, worn out and even damaged from the lashing out. Then as the situation gets worse, the lashing out becomes more frequent and maybe even physical, and the line between the excuse of the 'mental illness' and abuse becomes blurred.
It's a tough situation. And honestly, I'm a firm believer that if you truly love someone, you wouldn't want to hurt them, even with actions that you can't help. But I also how mental illnesses can manipulate thoughts and beliefs and make them feel like the most legitimate things in the world. But you have to be able to recognize when a line is crossed. Stop making excuses.
Just get help.