Hi guys! Welcome to the first post of the Five Friends You Shouldn't Have Series.
So this series isn't for folks who get offended easily, and if you're not self aware at all then you probably don't need to read this series.
HOWEVER, if you are aiming for success and positive self growth, then you've come to the right place. These posts are for people who are attempting to be the best versions of themselves, and that includes surrounding yourself with the best environment to do so in.
SN: These different friend types can and most likely will show their faces in one friend. I myself have a few friends that are a combination of two, three or all five types that are in this series. But for the sake of breaking each type down, I'm gonna give examples as if they're all different people.
The Complainer is a person that does just that-- complain. Whether it be smaller situations or big ones, you're usually the person they come to whenever then are stressed over something.
Which is a good thing on your part, because that's just you being a caring friend. But it can be pretty exhausting when the Complainer doesn't take your advice or doesn't have the motivation to fix their own problems.
Usually, that comes from lack of problem-solving skills on their part, or like I said, just lack of motivation, or both.
For example, my friend Adam is a worry wart and is ALWAYS stressed out-- to the point where I rarely ask him what the matter is when he shows signs of being stressed. Because then, it'll lead to him complaining about a huge paper he has to write that he's procrastinated on. And that's the thing-- these situations are usually problems they've caused based on mismanagement of their own life.
I literally tried to type that last sentence as nicely as possible but it still didn't come out that way, lol. But it's the harsh reality.
And that is also not your concern.
That sounded harsh too, huh?
Whilst working on yourself, you rarely have time to worry about others and their problems. It's the harsh reality, and one I still struggle with. I care way too much about my friends and do so much for them to the point where my mom would lecture me about it. But in the end I realized it was a combination of me caring for others, but also the lack of care for myself. And so I had to teach myself to be selfish with my time, energy, money and even my mental state.
All that to say that the only way to self-preserve in a world of toxic people is to be selfish. People that don't understand that will dress it up with negative words, but all of that won't matter when you are achieving your goals and being that person you were meant to be.
So really and truly, the next time you come across your Complainer friend, you can do one of several things:
1) listen to their problems and allow them to blow off steam
2) don't ask them about their problems at all
And lastly, don't be afraid to go MIA from these people if you need to. You can't put yourself in the position where all you hear in your head are the echoes of their problems. Then you get so wrapped up in their's that you don't have time for your own, which is not acceptable.
Remember, YOU always come first.